I feel like, when I glance in the mirror for a second, the shape of me is starting to look more typically male. I catch myself grinning stupidly to think things like, ‘And when I don’t have to wear too-large jeans to hide my hips…’ and ‘And when I can pass in the pool…’
I shouldn’t be that excited. None of this means anything; I don’t pass, I don’t have the self-trust to try out male pronouns, and my mother’s started to get aggressive about ‘this whole gender crisis thing,’ which is making me anxious.
But when I can look in the mirror and see myself as male—or even just as possibly male, even if just for a second—well, cue the goofy grin.